INTEGRITY : A LOST GEM

Long gone are the days when you could take a man at his word. When a man could get a loan from his fellow man based on his word that he would pay it back. A deal between two people did not need a horde of lawyers and numerous contracts, a simple handshake was enough to ensure that each person would keep his end of the deal. In summary, integrity is a virtue long lost.

One of the main causes of the degradation in our society is the blatant lack of integrity. In Nigeria, most leaders and citizens have little or no integrity. We look at every man (be he a political leader , a spiritual leader or an ordinary man on the street) with an eye of suspicion because we have almost no faith in what the words they speak. We automatically assume that all people are guilty until proven innocent. We instinctively feel that everyone around us seeks to cheat and take advantage of us, from the woman in the market to the politician promising heaven on earth. Ask a man selling electronics, if his wares are authentic and he will tell you yes, when he very well knows that they are not. In fact he would be willing to swear on his life that they are. What about the politicians and leaders, they stand behind various podiums and on different stages making vows and promises they have no intention of fulfilling and keeping. The church is not left out, nowadays we have ‘pastors’ and ‘men of God’ faking miracles and using all sort of devious means to take advantage of people. Since 1999, I have watched many people stand and take an oath to serve the best interest of this nation and its people. It seems ( and many times it has been proven) however, that they do anything but that. All these point to a lack of integrity. We have sacrificed our integrity at the altar of money, prestige and power.

The leaders are not the only culprits, you and I are also guilty. Do you maintain a standard of honesty and truth in all your dealings and interactions with people? When you give your word do you stand by it or are you a hypocrite? Can what you say be trusted? Are you a person of integrity? “He who has no sin should cast the first stone” says Jesus. Before you are quick to agree with me about the lack of integrity in our leaders, check yourself. Remove the log in your own eye before you remove the speck in another man’s eye.

Why is integrity so important to us, especially as Nigerians? Integrity is one of the principles upon which this nation was founded. It is a legacy that our fore fathers who fought for our independence freedom sought to pass on to all future generations . It is in our pledge and anthem. In the pledge we vow to be faithful, loyal and honest and to uphold the honour and glory of this nation. In one word, we vow to be people of integrity. We have clearly failed in this regard. However it is not too late for us to rise up and take our place. To be a person of excellence, a TYP person, you must be a person of integrity, maintaining your integrity in all things, big and small , consequential and inconsequential. It should be deeply ingrained in us. Psalm 25:21 says Let integrity and uprightness preserve me and it’s a fact that integrity is what will help redeem, restore and preserve the image of this country. If we fail to imbibe this character trait then our case will be that of the unfaithful described in Proverbs 11:3(The integrity of the upright will guide them but the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them.) The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him(Proverbs 20: 7). Walking in integrity provides a blessing for those coming behind you. Due to the failure of many Nigerians to walk in integrity , we are currently paying a great price. Everywhere we go we are seen criminals or potential criminals. We are looked upon with wariness and misgiving if not blatant suspicion. Most countries are reluctant to give us visas because of the assumption that we are all up to no good. We are ranked among the most corrupt nations in the world. In fact we can blame the fact that we were so easily put on the terrorist list on the reality that in the eyes of the world, we have no integrity, thus we cannot be trusted.

Who then is a person of integrity? Such a person is an individual who is upright, loyal , faithful, honest, reliable and trustworthy. A person who can stand his ground when he is certain that he is right. A person of character, whose lifestyle is guided by principles and ethics. An individual who is not perfect but whole ; when he or she makes mistakes he or she has the courage to admit them , learn from them and come out a better person. A person who stands for the truth, no matter the circumstance.

Integrity is something we all need. Let us all pray to God to give us a spirit of integrity. On our own it will be a difficult if not impossible task but with God we can do all thing ( with God all things are possible). If there is one thing we as a people and a nation urgently need to regain and restore , it’s our integrity. Let’s change the image and impression we have given the world. Integrity is a virtue that is more valuable than all the riches in the world (Better a poor man who walks in integrity than a rich man who is perverse in his speech and is a fool.’) It is better to lose everything than to lose our integrity. When everything –money , family , friends etc – gone what remains and will stand the test of time is our integrity and God will definitely reward that. I will end with this quote ‘Don’t compromise yourself to gain money , power and prestige. You may not know how things will turn out when you stick up for the truth...but it will be right’( The promise study edition bible (CEV) by Thomas Nelson , copyright 1996).

Signed,

NessaD

IMPRESSIONS (2)

In the first part of this post, my main focus was the impression we give others of ourselves. This post focuses on how we see other people around us. I have discovered that when it comes to way we look at others the rule of not judging a book by its cover is very important. What basis do you use to judge people? Do you use the clothes they wear, the size of their bank account , the people they associate with, their occupation, their intelligence, their values , their level of education, their actions, the way they speak? I believe that we use a combination of all that I have mentioned and so much more ( the list is by no means exhaustive). By combining the answers to all these questions and our observations we get an impression and form an opinion of the people that we meet. Depending on how long we are able to interact with people, our impression of them can be based on a little or a lot. The impression of a man who you see staggering out of a bar, drunk and never see again and that of your fellow worker or classmate who you see and talk to everyday cannot be compared. For the man, you have only that one act as the basis on which you will form your opinion of him, while for your fellow worker you have a series of actions and observation on which to base your opinion.

Getting the right idea about who a person is, is very difficult because people have different agenda and idiosyncrasies which influence either positively or negatively the impression that we get from them. Never judge a person by only what you see or what you don’t see. You never know what they carry inside. Who they may be right now or who they will be in the future. Yes first impressions are very important but as hard as it may be, be willing to allow those first impressions change as you discover more about an individual. Be willing to give people a second chance to change the opinion you have of them.

Another side to this topic is using what people have instead of who they are, to form opinions about them and measure their worth. You ignore any one who is not as rich, as educated, as well dressed or as privileged as you are. Such a person is beneath the your radar of recognition. This is about the worst attitude you can ever adopt. If you carry such a view you are certain to miss many great chances in life because you never know where life will take you and the person who you snob today may just be the key to your success tomorrow. Every human being is worth your attention, from the gateman at the gate to the president of your country. I don’t believe in coincidence, every person you meet, you meet for a reason. You may meet them because there is something you need that only they can give or vice versa. There is a story of a poor boy who walked up to the door of a woman's house and asked some bread. The woman took him into her house and gave him some bread and a glass of milk and the boy went on his way. She never saw the boy again. Many years later the woman became ill and had to have heart surgery. After the surgery she wondered how she would ever pay the bills, when the bill came to her it was signed paid in full by a glass of milk. Her doctor was the poor boy she fed all those years ago. The “chance” encounter with that boy of so many years ago became a blessing to her when she needed it the most. Imagine if she shut the door on that boy because he was “beneath” her. This story conveys my point clearly.

A person is not defined by the quality of their clothes, the things that they own but by what they have one the inside; their values, character, principles and ethics. So take the time to look beyond the outside and look inside a person and find their true worth. You may just be looking at a diamond in the rough. Look for the good in people. As concerned as you are in leaving the right impression so also should you be concerned with getting the right impression and forming the correct opinions about people. Do not measure the value of people by their material possessions because those things can and will pass away. The only thing that stands the test of time is the character and values of people and in that alone can the true worth of a man be found .

You may wonder why I bothered writing the first post on impressions since this post is almost contradictory but the truth remains that although what is on the inside is very important the outside also counts and what is outside ought to reflect what is inside. It is best have all bases covered than to have to rely on the assumption that others will be like you and take the time to look inside and find the true person and sometimes it may only be a one-time brief encounter that won’t allow for any in depth analysis and the foundation the person will have to base his opinion of you will be the outside, like the example I gave in the beginning of a man you see staggering out of a bar drunk and never see again. There is no time to look beyond the outside of that man to see who he is inside. Your opinion of that man will definitely be based on that one encounter. So why not as I said earlier, cover all bases. it's like they say- better safe than sorry.

Signed,

NessaD

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Today I choose to leave you with these words of wisdom and advise you to think deeply on them. Look beyond the surface of these sayings and find the nuggets of wisdom hidden within. They are key in trying to live an excellent life.

‘He who observes the wind (and waits for all conditions to be favourable) will not sow and he who regards the clouds will not reap.’

‘Curse not the king, no not even in your thoughts and curse not the rich in your bedchamber, for a bird of the air will carry the voice and a winged creature will tell the matter.’

‘A soft answer turns away wrath but grievous words stir up anger .’

‘Better a poor man who walks in integrity than a rich man who is perverse in his speech and is a fool.’

‘Wine is a mocker , strong drink a riotous brawler and whoever errs or reels because of it is not wise.’

‘The simpleton considers every word he hears but a prudent man looks and considers well where he is going.’

‘Food gained by deceit is sweet to a man , but afterwards his mouth will be filled with gravel.’

‘A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches and loving favour rather than silver or gold.’

‘He who sows iniquity will reap calamity and futility and the rod of his wrath shall fail.’

‘Let another man praise you and not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips.’

‘Faithful are the wounds of a friend , but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful.’

‘Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard for out of it flow the springs of life.’

‘Hatred stirs up contention but love covers transgressions.’

‘Remember also your creator in the days of your youth before the evil days come or the years draw near when you will say I have no enjoyment of them.’

‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge but fools despise wisdom and instruction’

‘There is a way that seems right to a man and appears straight before him but at the end it is the way of death.'

All these sayings are from the bible and be honest with yourself they are very true and contain a great deal of wisdom. Applying them in our lives will go a long way in making us better people. A word is enough for the wise.

The references for the verses in order of appearance are: Ecclesiastes 11:4, Ecclesiastes 10:20, Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 19:1, Proverbs 20:1, Proverbs `14:15,Proverbs 20:17, Proverbs 22:1, Proverbs 22:8, Proverbs 27:1, Proverbs 27:6, Proverbs 4:23, Proverbs 10:12, Ecclesiastes 12:1, Proverbs 1:7,Proverbs 14:12.

Signed,

Nessa D

notice

I just want to give some information about the operation of the blog. You can expect at least 2 postings a month, barring unforeseen circumstances. I am a student, so it may be difficult to post a lot of articles during the semester but i will try my best. If you don't see any postings and no explanation for the lack of postings then its probably due lack of internet connection, so please in that situation bear with me. I would love to hear from you about my postings. I am open to constructive criticism , I certainly do not know everything and am open to learning.

that's all for now

thanks

Nessa D

IMPRESSIONS...(1)

...They matter, especially first impressions. First impressions more often than not determine how other people see you and how they treat and respond to you. I know that the saying “first impressions count.” has become a cliché however it became a cliché because it’s the truth. The way you present yourself to people, the way you dress, the way you comport and carry yourself, says a lot about you, whether you. Most times people use that impression to form rock solid opinions of you that are difficult to change. I am also aware of the popular saying that “you should not judge a book by its cover” but people let’s face facts, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, looks like a duck chances are it is a duck. The reality is for about 95% ( am being generous) of the time people are exactly what they appear to be. They may have reasons for being the way they are which can only be learnt by getting to know them better but most times first impressions of people especially when they don’t have time to try to impress you are usually right on point. However sometimes we get the wrong impression of people because they fail to communicate (verbal and non-verbal) who they are and what they are about and most times the false impressions they leave behind is what lasts in the minds of people. (Note: at time we fail to read people well and hence get the wrong impression).

Based on what I have said so far, let me pose these questions, what impression are you leaving in the minds of those you encounter? Does your speech, your dressing , your comportment and your behaviour tell other who you really are or does it leave the wrong idea with others. If someone was asked to describe you based on what they have observed about you, would what they say make you proud? For instance , if some of us were described based on our face book accounts, the pictures we upload, the things we write, the comments we make, what would be said about you, what impression have left with the numerous people who have access to your page?

Its time as for us (youth especially) to take responsibility for ourselves and know that whatever we do now affects our future in some way. If in school, you were known as someone with no scruples, when you meet up with any one from your school in the future and for some reason you need a job in his father’s company, would he want to bring someone with no ethics and who he cannot trust to his father’s company? Think on this for a minute. The decision to hire or not hire you, would be affected by the impression that he had of you in school whether you like it or not. Do you see the extent the impression we give of ourselves matter.

You never know who the person next to you will be in the next ten, twenty years. He or she may just the person you need to get to where you want to be and the impression that you have given of yourself can either make or break your chances. My uncle told me that he and the late president Yar’adua were classmates and casual friends in school, am certain neither of them knew that Yar’adua would one day be president. Once again I ask: what kind of impression are you leaving, is it one that shows you as a kind, dependable , reliable ,trustworthy , respectable, dignified person or does is it one that shows you as an irresponsible person with no vision who cannot be trusted. Does your dressing reflect the person you are on the inside and the person you wish to be perceived as or does it reflect who the media and fashion trends dictate you need to look like to be “hip”. Young men dress like gangsters and expect to be taken seriously, young ladies dress up and look more naked than covered and expect to be admired for what is on inside rather than their body as well as be treated with dignity and respect. Think about this.

It’s time to wake up and TYP. Carry yourself in a way that leaves a positive, long lasting impression of you on others. Most of all as a child of God carry of yourself knowing that you are supposed to be reflecting who He is at all times, whether or not anyone is watching. You don’t expect to see the daughter of the president going wild at a club or fighting at a restaurant, because she is the daughter of the president. How much more God , who is ruler of the whole world. The bible says in Ecclesiastes 10:3 “even when he who is a fool walks along the road, his heart and understanding fail him and he says of everyone and to everyone that he is a fool.” When people see you , do they see a fool or a person of wisdom? If you are not a fool , don’t dress like one and certainly don’t act like one. They say “don’t judge a book by its cover “I say let the cover reflect what is on the inside then we would have no problem. A person of excellence, a TYP person seeks to send the right message in all that he or she does. Today choose to be a person of excellence , a TYP person and leave the right impression in all that you do and wherever you go.

Nessa D.

A little note: this article focuses on you giving the right impression of yourself to others. When attempting to read others , we must be aware that what they present to us may not be the truth about who they really, in this case the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover “ would apply. Just because you have allowed your cover to reflect what is in you doesn’t mean the person next to you has. This article is about the way you present yourself, it does not apply to how others present themselves. It is encouraging you to be honest about who you are and what you are about. I hope to write a part two of this article talking about the impression we get from others.... till next time

The “me” syndrome

The average human beings’ instinct is self preservation, that is a person is primarily concerned with his or her survival before that of others. We naturally look out for number one. Love, a sense of honour or duty usually motivates us to tamp down that instinct and put others before ourselves, hence you find a mother laying down her life for her child, soldiers willing dying for their country and so on.

Looking at the information we are being fed in the media, we are being encouraged to follow our natural instinct and always look out for number one. Everyone is focused on doing what is best for themselves or at most their families. Nowadays it has become the norm to focus on “me” and “my”. Everybody is concerned about myself, my husband, my wife, my education, my car, my kids, my family, my progress, my ,my , my and my. It’s all about me. People no longer care for one another, plain and simple. Oh, we pretend to care but the truth is that we really don’t. Every day we come in contact with someone who needs our help, a smile, a hug, or a friend but we are too busy pursuing our “me” goals to notice. We ask people how they are doing but we really don’t want to know the answer, we ask only because it’s the polite thing to do not because we really care. You may say that there are many charities and NGOs around helping the less privileged in society , but I tell you many are involved to make a name for themselves, to avoid tax payments and other selfish reasons. Hardly do you find people doing good or showing kindness who can never return the deed. No doubt there are those who truly care about others and see beyond themselves but majority of us are plagued with the “me” syndrome.

If you ask people what they felt their purpose in this life is , it would boil down to making themselves happy at any cost. Most when they pray, spend that time asking for everything under the sun for themselves, its God destroy my enemies, give me a new car, I need a husband, LI need a job, and so on. How many people can say they have ever asked God in their prayers, God ,what do you need? , do you want me to do something for you? So you even the church, the people who should be the most unconcerned about themselves are plagued by the “me” syndrome. Basically my point here is that most people see no purpose beyond themselves, their world is only made of them and what affects them, nothing else. I think that is a sad way to live. If we are all only concerned only about ourselves then we will never progress. The “me” syndrome has put Nigeria in the mess that she is in today and it is what is keeping us from moving forward

In order to effectively take your place, we must look beyond ourselves. Taking your place, daring to be different and achieving excellence requires sacrifice and frankly a me person is incapable of sacrificing. You do not exist for your own sake alone but for the also for the sake of others. The bible tells us that one of the greatest and most important commandments is to love your neighbour as yourself. You are important and you matter but others matter just as much as you do. If we lead a life that focused on promoting the good of everyone not just ourselves, if we showed true love, care and compassion towards others then our nation would progress. Those in power would not steal because it would not be in the best interest of their fellow countrymen. Those who pedal fake drugs would not do so, because they know they are harming someone else in order to get rich and so on.

A life that is focused on me is a sad and miserable one. Live a life that can be seen as a legacy because it made an impact. No one was created to be a nobody, we were all made to be somebody, to make an impact. As a father, as a mother, as a doctor, as a senator, as a teacher ; In whatever you do, take your place effectively by looking beyond yourself, going beyond yourself and making an impact and leaving behind a legacy. THE TRUTH IS THAT IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME, NOR IS IT ALL ABOUT YOU. IT’S ALL ABOUT US. Let’s get rid of the ‘me’ syndrome

signed

Nessa D

JUNE 12 : A MAN, A DAY, OR MORE

i know this almost two weeks late but here it is:


June 12 1993 , is a day that is forever etched in our memories and in the history of our country, Nigeria. One cannot talk about the journey of this nation without referring to June 12. It was a day of great hope and yet one of great sorrow. History remembers that day as the day that for once Nigeria did something right . on that day the freest and fairest election ever held in this country took place. The results of that election , named M.K.O Abiola as the winner and hence president elect of the federal republic of Nigeria. Whether he was the best person , whether he would have been able to take Nigeria to the next level is of no consequence, the point was that the people had made their choice and voice had been heard. Unfortunately the joy of the moment was short-lived as the then head of state Ibrahim Badamosi Babaginda declared the election null and void, turning a day that had started out so right into something so wrong. The voice of the people once again crushed and silenced. There is no need to rehash what happened after, we all know it very well. We ended up in the disastrous regime of General Sani Abacha and Nigeria ended in a pit that we are still trying to emerge from. Currently we are “enjoying” a sham that we call democracy ( looking at the last election, can we really say that we are in a democracy- a government of the people , for the people and by the people) hoping someday to recreate the June 12 election.
I was only three years old when June 12 saga took place. To me June 12 was a day to take cover and happily stay home from school (my constant prayer then was that June 12 would fall on a school day). As I grew older and became more aware of the world around me , I began to understand the deeper meaning of June 12. I wondered why there was so much fuss over that day, because as far as I was concerned Abiola was not the first man to be cheated out of what was rightfully his and he definitely has not been the last, so again why the fuss? As I looked at that day over the years, I came to realize that June 12 was so much more than Abiola. The man did not make the day, the day made the man.
To Nigeria and Nigerians, June 12 signifies the strength, unity, determination and courage inherent in the Nigerian people. This trait that endears and alienates us from other countries. June 12 is a day that carries the hope and dreams of the Nigerian people. On that day the Nigerian people cried out with one voice and that voice was heard. Since the first coup, Nigeria waited in silence for that day and now we look to the future believing that since that day came once , it can and it will come again. A day when the peoples’ will ,will stand and their voice heard again. The memory of that day gives us a reason to fight against the odds that seem insurmountable. It gives us the strength to face the new challenges and refuse to give up.
The inadequacies of our so called democracy are even more glaring because it fails to meet the standard that June 12 set. For on that day Nigeria for the first time experienced the true meaning of democracy - a government of the people, for the people and by the people. The essence of any country’s democracy is the people for without the people there is no government and obviously no democracy and June 12 was about the Nigerian people and what they wanted. We wait, looking for a day to replace June 12, a day that we will experience again, the true meaning of democracy.

So you see , June 12 is more than a day, more than man, it is the hope of Nigeria, the strength of our people and the foundation of our dreams. We look to that day when we want lose faith in our nation, when its seems that we can never do anything right, when it looks like our country is known only for the wrong reasons. We look to that day and we say once upon a time we did something right, we say on this piece of God given land freedom, fairness and justice prevailed and on this piece of God given land freedom fairness and justice will once again prevail.
Signed
Nessa D